Grief, Healing, and Writing Through Loss

On this powerful episode of the Women on the Rise segment of the BFF Empowerment Podcast, I had the honor of speaking with Kirsten O’Connor, a grief advocate, author, and founder of This Is Grief NZ. Our conversation was heartfelt, honest, and deeply needed as we explored grief, mental health, healing, motherhood, and the power of writing through pain.

Kirsten joined the podcast from New Zealand and shared the story behind her work in the grief space. After the devastating loss of her 24-year-old daughter, Kalia, to suicide nearly two years ago, Kirsten made it her mission to help others better understand grief and to create space for more open, compassionate conversations around loss. She spoke candidly about how grief is far more than sadness. It is a full-body experience that affects the brain, identity, confidence, and sense of self.

As we talked, I also shared parts of my own journey with grief. While many people associate grief only with death, this conversation highlighted that grief can also come from the loss of health, identity, safety, relationships, or the life you thought you would have. I reflected on losing my eyesight at 15 due to child abuse and how, for years, I never fully processed that loss. Like so many people, I buried my emotions beneath survival, independence, and responsibility, only to realize later that grief had still been living inside me.

One of the most powerful parts of our conversation centered around mental health and suicide. Kirsten spoke with honesty and compassion about Kalia’s struggles with mental health and the painful reality that so many people suffer in silence. I, too, shared my own experience as a survivor of suicide attempts and the emotional weight of trauma, abuse, and feeling like life had become too heavy to carry. Together, we discussed how important it is for people to feel heard, supported, and validated instead of dismissed or rushed past their pain.

We also talked about how difficult it can be to access mental health resources, especially for young people. I shared my concerns as a mother raising a 7-year-old son with autism, separation anxiety, and emotional challenges, and how important it is to me to find him support that truly understands his needs. Kirsten emphasized the danger of overlooking those who seem “high functioning” on the outside while they are silently struggling within. It was a reminder that just because someone appears okay does not mean they are not hurting.

Throughout the episode, one message kept rising to the surface: grief is love. Kirsten described grief not as something to “get over,” but as something we learn to carry. She reminded listeners that there is no right or wrong way to grieve and no timeline that fits everyone. Grief does not move in neat stages, and it does not mean life is over. You can grieve and still laugh. You can grieve and still find joy. You can grieve and still keep going.

Another beautiful part of the conversation was our shared love for writing. Kirsten explained how journaling became a lifeline for her after Kalia’s death, allowing her to express feelings she could not always say out loud. Writing gave her a place to process, reflect, and calm the noise in her mind. I connected deeply with that, sharing how writing has been my own outlet since childhood and how it became even more important after I lost my sight. For both of us, writing has been more than creativity. It has been survival, healing, and truth.

Kirsten also shared details about her book, The Year After Kalia: Surviving, Loving and Writing My Way Through Loss. The book blends memoir, insight into what grief does to the body and brain, and simple writing prompts and rituals to help others navigate loss. In addition to her book, she created This Is Grief NZ, an online space filled with resources, reflections, and support for grieving individuals and those who want to better support them.

This episode was a reminder that even in our deepest pain, there is still purpose. There is still connection. There is still healing to be found in honest conversation, in community, and in allowing ourselves to feel what we feel without shame.

Kirsten’s story is one of heartbreak, strength, vulnerability, and love. Her willingness to speak openly about grief and suicide creates room for others to feel less alone. And that is exactly what this episode offers: a safe, compassionate conversation for anyone carrying loss in any form.

Be sure to listen to this meaningful episode of the BFF Empowerment Podcast and connect with Kirsten at www.thisisgrief.nz to learn more about her work, her book, and the grief support resources she offers.

If this episode speaks to you, share it with someone who may need encouragement, healing, or simply the reminder that they are not alone.