Women on the Rise: On Second Thought Maybe I Can with Debbie Weiss

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You are bold, you are fearless, you are radiant

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It's time to unlock the diamond from within Thank

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you, everyone, for tuning back into the BFF Empowerment

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Podcast. I am your host, Black Diamond. And with

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me today, I have the privilege of speaking with

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bestselling author, Miss Debbie Wise. Thank you

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so much for joining me today. Oh, thank you so

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much for having me. I'm excited to be here. Yes,

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ma 'am. So tell the listeners a little bit about

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yourself. Well. I am 62 years old and I'm telling

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you that because I am at 62, find myself on,

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you know, doing new and exciting things. I spent

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my life. taking care of so many of my family

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members. I became a family caregiver when I was

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17. And my dad, who was only 46, had a massive

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stroke and luckily survived, but was permanently

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disabled. And my parents divorced and I was his

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caregiver for the next 30 years. And then I became

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a caregiver. Of course, when you have children,

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you're... caregivers but my oldest son was diagnosed

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on the autism spectrum when he was two and added

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many more diagnoses after that and uh caring

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for a child with special needs is is very different

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than a typical child and then later in life i

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became my husband's caregiver as well and You

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know, at 50, I really found myself just exhausted,

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feeling sorry for myself and burnt out and had,

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you know, lived my whole adult life taking care

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of everyone else except for myself. I know exactly

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how you feel. I think so many women do, quite

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honestly. Yes, yes. Because I myself have a son

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with autism. He's seven. And he does also have

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some umbrella conditions as well outside of just

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the autism. He officially just was diagnosed

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in October of 2025, but I've known since he was

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three. It just took quite a bit of advocating

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and pushing for me to finally get him the diagnosis

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that I already knew was there. Yeah. And I mean,

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then you certainly know firsthand, it's like

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every second all you're doing is thinking about

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your son or your child and what you can possibly

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do to help. And unfortunately, many times, too,

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it does involve really advocating and sometimes

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fighting for what's best, you know, when it comes

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to in school and those types of things. Yeah,

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I always felt like I had a lot of pushback because

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my son has had issues since he was born since

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the day he was born. And so I've always found

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myself, you know, having to tell the doctors

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is this isn't right. This is not a just I'm a

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first time mom jitters and oh, I see everything

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wrong. There's something wrong with him. This

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is not. the typical behaviors and and i just

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felt like it fell on deaf ears and of course

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me being a blind mom at that i felt like they

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just really didn't consider that i knew what

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i was talking about it was just kind of like

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okay yeah whatever but finally you know i had

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someone who actually listened to me and was like

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you are so right and you've been right all along

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And I'm sorry it took this long, three years,

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for you to finally test after test after test.

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And finally, yes, you have the proper diagnosis.

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My goodness. And it took, obviously, so much

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advocating and, you know, researching and who

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do you go to next and who can help. And it really

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is, it turns into a full -time job, especially

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at the age that your son is. I remember being

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in it, you know, knee deep. And it was like he

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just, which, it was like he was a neurotypical

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kid, you know, up until three, which he had some

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earlier challenges with walking, of being a late

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walker due to being severely bowlegged and needing

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braces and physical therapy and all of that.

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But it was like he went one day from speaking

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in complete sentences to all of a sudden he developed

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a really bad stutter. And I'm like, what? What

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happened? And it's like from then on, it's like

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he became a totally different child. And I'm

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like, what happened? It was like a switch just

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went off. Oh, boy. Yeah, for my son, he. That

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didn't happen. He wasn't talking or saying a

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word when he was, I guess what you're supposed

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to say your first word, somewhere around a year

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old. And I think he was, oh, maybe two and hadn't

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said anything yet. So that's how it. it developed

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he never was speaking in complete sentences until

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he started therapy and whatnot and i have to

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tell you so now he's 25 and um he's added other

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mental illness diagnoses such as depression and

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anxiety bipolar 2 disorder adhd um and so that

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has been a different type of challenge you know

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it just like they say little kids little problems

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and people don't realize that autism usually

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that's the major diagnosis but then there's those

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umbrella diagnosis so a lot of times kids who

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do have autism also have other conditions so

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they i call them umbrella like they're kind of

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under Because like my son, he's also being diagnosed

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with ADHD, ODD, separation anxiety disorder,

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and he also has a PDA profile. Yeah, it's a lot.

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And he's a little person full of... personality

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and uh yeah days some days they're very hard

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and then there's those days of i'm like wow i

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can't believe i love this little person he's

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just so much personality but those hard days

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they're hard and i can't even say hard days hard

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moments because one moment we could be laughing

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and having fun and then the next moment he's

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angry and i'm like exactly What happened? Like

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we were just having fun. What happened? Right.

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So we've talked a little bit about our children

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with autism. And so what exactly is your book

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about? So I have two books. My first book is

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my memoir called On Second Thought, Maybe I Can.

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And Never in My Wildest Dreams, as I said early

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on, how I. How I wound up here is a mystery and

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a blessing. It's unbelievable. Never had a desire

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to write a book, but just kind of listened to

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the whispers of the universe, and that's where

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it led me. And so it is a memoir. It is divided

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into three parts, and it talks about my childhood

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and how I developed my limiting beliefs and then

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kind of... you know, the middle part of my life

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with many different challenges. And then the

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third part is an aha moment that I had when I

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turned 50 and what I've been doing since then.

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So it's just a compilation of stories that together

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create an inspirational overall story showing

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everyone that it's never too late to change and

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take control of your life. Definitely, because

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people are afraid of the big 50. They feel like

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when they turn 50, oh, gosh, life as I know it

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is over. I'm over the hill. Like, I just don't

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want to turn 50. Like, you know, you hear people

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say that all the time. And I actually had a guest

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a few months ago by the name of Tina Coleman.

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And oh, my gosh, she really made me think about

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turning 50 like a whole. do light like her she

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was just so bold and empowering and i'm just

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like oh wow you know what i have had that fear

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of turning 50 i mean i'm not there yet yeah i

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quite got some quite some ways to go but yeah

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you just always hear a negative and that's just

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that overwhelming like just anxiety about turning

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50 like life for you is just over But yeah, it's

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actually a thing to celebrate instead of being

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afraid of it. Yeah, I for sure found it just

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the opposite. When I turned 50, like you said,

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it is something about that number. And I agree.

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For me, it was something about like 50. Man,

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how the heck could I be 50? Where did all those

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years go? And thinking and watching my father

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and my... mother who both, my mother's still

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alive, but both have so many regrets. And when

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I turned 50, I thought 50 years has flown by

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in one sense, you know, dragged in another sense,

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but flown by and the next 50 are going to go

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by even faster. And I don't want to be that person.

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at the end of their life, looking back with regrets

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of things that, you know, coulda, shoulda, woulda,

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I wish I would have tried this. I, you know,

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but I didn't, I didn't have a specific wish.

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Like I never wanted to be an author or a musician

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or, you know, I didn't know what it was, but

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I just felt like if I just stayed where I was,

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then. nothing was ever going to change. And I

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would never know what else is out there, what

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other possibilities. And it really forced me

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to take a hard look at my life and decide that

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I needed to make some changes. Oh, wow. And that's

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actually the opposite. I've been wanting, that

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was actually a childhood dream of mine is to

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become an author. So now I've. been an author

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15 times over amazing self -published 15 books

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to date in have more in the works but yeah that's

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always been a childhood dream was to be an author

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now i wrote my first memoir um i've always been

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more like a fictional writer poetry things like

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that in children's literature but i actually

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wrote actually this month is actually a year

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Since I published my first memoir, it's called

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Stolen Innocence, A Survivor's Journey to Freedom.

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And it basically is my life story about part

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of it about me becoming blind and how I became

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blind due to child abuse. But majority of the

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story is my experience with being a survivor

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of sexual abuse, but not only just sexual abuse,

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but sexual abuse due to incest from my own biological

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father. And then also just how my early life

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kind of led me into always feeling like a victim

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of trauma, some kind of trauma, domestic violence

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relationships, you know, just things always just

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not going right for me. Like it always feeling

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like I'm a victim and how I have to change my

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own story and rewrite my own story and not allow

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the traumas that I went through to write my story.

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Absolutely. How did that happen? Did you have

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an aha moment? What made you say, you know, realize?

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Because I didn't even know that I had this victim

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mentality. I had never heard of that. I didn't

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know what that even meant. So for me, because

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I finally, well, the aha moment for me, honestly,

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was me contemplating murder. that's what i do

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i had to get out like i i had that mentality

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that it was either i was gonna end up in jail

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or he was gonna kill me yeah so at 24 years old

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i'm like i can't do this anymore i have to get

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out i have to leave and so that's what i did

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but that healing journey took years like i did

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a lot of self -work a lot of you know spiritual

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awakening a lot of spiritual guidance and it

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just it took a while for me to overcome and to

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see myself as a victor not a victim anymore um

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and so when i ended up in my second domestic

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violence relationship at 33 years old i was like

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oh no i've been down this road before i know

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where this is going to lead nope i'm not doing

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it i'm out and i'm like at the end of the day

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i have a son too and he's looking so all it took

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was one time for you know my ex spouse to put

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his hands on me and i was out like i'm like i'm

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not that 19 year old naive little girl anymore

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who yeah searching for love and don't really

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know what it is because she's never experienced

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it like i love myself too much to allow myself

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to go through that again good for you that's

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that's an amazing story and you certainly are

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a victor yes so that was for me that was the

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aha moment like i need to change you know my

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life and and do something different um you know

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put myself in a better environment to where yeah

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i can heal so that when something else happens

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i know how to handle it i don't fall victim to

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because you know for me that's all i knew i went

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from being abused from the time i was born to

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what 15 years old when i went blind that's what

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stopped the abuse wow that's when my mom knew

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okay i took it too far but then from that to

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be put in a situation where she sent me to live

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with someone i did not know i knew him as far

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as okay this is my dad but he was not in my life

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he did not raise me he wasn't there to be sent

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to live with somebody that my mother knew would

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abuse me sexually um so and then from that to

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end up in my First relationship would end up

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being domestic violence because what? That's

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all I knew. Wow. You know, I think that so many

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people in your position, they can't figure a

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way out. It's right. It's so hard to just take

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that first step. Yes. Cause yeah, I was in that

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relationship for five years. At one point I attempted

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to leave and then he fouled out and then, you

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know, scared me into staying basically. Yeah.

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But when it got to the point where I was contemplating

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and realizing where my life would end up, if

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I didn't take a hold of the situation and get

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control of it, I'm like, no, I can't do that.

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I can't allow someone to make me do something

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that's outside of me. Yes. And you've done it.

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So yeah, that for me was my aha moment. That's

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quite a powerful story, I have to say. Really

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unbelievable. And, you know, I think each of

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us has our own challenges and traumas, some bigger

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than others. Some happen at different times in

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life. And I don't know about you, but I was always

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looking at everybody else's life, you know, from

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the outside looking in, thinking that everything

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was perfect and why me? Why did I have all these

00:17:26.579 --> 00:17:33.440
challenges from such a young age? And it's amazing

00:17:33.440 --> 00:17:37.220
when you are able to switch your mindset, when

00:17:37.220 --> 00:17:41.130
you are able to see. That you're the one that's

00:17:41.130 --> 00:17:45.410
really causing you to stay in a situation or

00:17:45.410 --> 00:17:49.950
a life or whatever it is that you no longer desire.

00:17:50.170 --> 00:17:53.809
And I'm not saying it's not like I left my husband

00:17:53.809 --> 00:17:56.670
and like I didn't do anything like that. You

00:17:56.670 --> 00:18:00.970
know, it doesn't necessarily have to be big traumas

00:18:00.970 --> 00:18:04.170
like you have. Yes. And I think, you know what,

00:18:04.210 --> 00:18:06.710
that was one of the things that before I wrote

00:18:06.710 --> 00:18:09.769
my first book that kind of gave me imposter syndrome

00:18:09.769 --> 00:18:13.789
because I thought, yeah, I've had little T traumas,

00:18:13.789 --> 00:18:16.890
as they say, just like most people. But I've

00:18:16.890 --> 00:18:22.390
never had, thankfully, a big, big trauma. So

00:18:22.390 --> 00:18:27.089
why is my story relatable? And then I realized

00:18:27.089 --> 00:18:34.019
that, you know, there are so many people. Thankfully,

00:18:34.019 --> 00:18:37.400
who haven't experienced the type of trauma that

00:18:37.400 --> 00:18:42.779
you have, but still feel maybe a longing or feeling

00:18:42.779 --> 00:18:48.339
stuck or thinking, when is it my turn? And, you

00:18:48.339 --> 00:18:50.259
know, those were the people that I could reach.

00:18:50.900 --> 00:18:53.940
Exactly. Yeah. You can't measure someone else's

00:18:53.940 --> 00:18:56.519
experience based off yours. You know, we're all

00:18:56.519 --> 00:18:59.940
individuals. We all, you know, somebody who's

00:18:59.940 --> 00:19:02.440
been through the same things that I have. may

00:19:02.440 --> 00:19:04.799
not respond the same way i did you know because

00:19:04.799 --> 00:19:07.220
we're all individuals and we're responsible for

00:19:07.220 --> 00:19:11.500
our own reactions and actions to things so because

00:19:11.500 --> 00:19:14.599
most people who have been through all the things

00:19:14.599 --> 00:19:16.359
i've been through more than likely they would

00:19:16.359 --> 00:19:19.759
have turned to sex drugs alcohol you know these

00:19:19.759 --> 00:19:23.160
things i didn't i made that choice not to exactly

00:19:23.160 --> 00:19:31.230
i think you're you're the exception definitely

00:19:31.230 --> 00:19:36.410
definitely the exception but it was a choice

00:19:36.410 --> 00:19:39.369
that you know not saying that there wasn't times

00:19:39.369 --> 00:19:42.650
where i doubted my abilities or i doubt it because

00:19:42.650 --> 00:19:47.549
yeah i'm also um i attempted suicide not once

00:19:47.549 --> 00:19:52.789
but twice but i survived both times um and so

00:19:52.789 --> 00:19:57.730
that's just a testament to yeah my journey has

00:19:57.730 --> 00:20:01.970
not been easy yeah you know but i am continuing

00:20:01.970 --> 00:20:05.190
and i have made that choice to keep going despite

00:20:05.190 --> 00:20:10.269
exactly and i think that's what we have to do

00:20:10.269 --> 00:20:14.630
right i mean because what's the alternative wouldn't

00:20:14.630 --> 00:20:18.269
you rather have said that you gave it a try Or

00:20:18.269 --> 00:20:20.910
you, you know, explore different possibilities.

00:20:21.230 --> 00:20:24.609
It's so easy to just stick with what you know,

00:20:24.710 --> 00:20:29.130
even if what you know isn't good. Exactly. It's

00:20:29.130 --> 00:20:31.869
like the devil you know kind of thing. Yes. And

00:20:31.869 --> 00:20:33.890
a lot of times when people meet me, you know,

00:20:33.910 --> 00:20:36.309
they're like, oh, you're just so soft, spoky.

00:20:36.309 --> 00:20:38.720
You're just so. You know, because I look really

00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:41.759
young, younger than my age. So they were like,

00:20:41.819 --> 00:20:43.680
oh, you just look like life has been good to

00:20:43.680 --> 00:20:49.079
you. And I'm like, if you only knew. Don't let

00:20:49.079 --> 00:20:54.269
the baby face. i'm just glad i don't look like

00:20:54.269 --> 00:20:56.490
what i've been through because i would be a hot

00:20:56.490 --> 00:21:01.809
mess but no don't be and so a lot of times when

00:21:01.809 --> 00:21:04.549
people hear my story and my journey i'm like

00:21:04.549 --> 00:21:07.049
oh wow like i would have never just from looking

00:21:07.049 --> 00:21:09.869
at you i would have never guessed you've been

00:21:09.869 --> 00:21:13.410
through all of that yeah and that's because of

00:21:13.410 --> 00:21:18.670
all the work you've done It's intentional. It's

00:21:18.670 --> 00:21:22.410
intentional to keep going and keep, you know,

00:21:22.410 --> 00:21:25.230
so when I go to speaking events and when I go,

00:21:25.230 --> 00:21:27.789
you know, to different activities and things

00:21:27.789 --> 00:21:30.609
that I'm involved in, like when people hear,

00:21:30.809 --> 00:21:34.089
they're like, oh, wow, like I can't believe it.

00:21:34.670 --> 00:21:38.690
Yes. Yes. Well, and that's why you give the people

00:21:38.690 --> 00:21:44.569
hope. Because if you can do it, that's it. I

00:21:44.569 --> 00:21:49.920
love it. That's what this platform is for to

00:21:49.920 --> 00:21:53.480
share stories, your experience, because you never

00:21:53.480 --> 00:21:56.180
know who's listening. You never know who needed

00:21:56.180 --> 00:21:58.839
to hear your story to realize like, you know

00:21:58.839 --> 00:22:01.380
what, there is a way out of this. There is a

00:22:01.380 --> 00:22:04.000
way I can go on. There is a way that I can heal

00:22:04.000 --> 00:22:06.660
or, you know, they might just need that motivation

00:22:06.660 --> 00:22:09.119
hearing that someone else has been through that.

00:22:09.200 --> 00:22:13.039
And this is how they came out of it. Exactly.

00:22:13.960 --> 00:22:18.609
I actually. belong to a women's networking organization.

00:22:18.849 --> 00:22:23.029
It's called BW NICE. That's an acronym that stands

00:22:23.029 --> 00:22:25.930
for Business Women Networking Involved in Charity

00:22:25.930 --> 00:22:30.170
and Education. And it is, you know, a small business

00:22:30.170 --> 00:22:34.730
women's networking organization, but more so

00:22:34.730 --> 00:22:38.369
what makes it different is that each chapter

00:22:38.369 --> 00:22:43.859
of this organization supports their local domestic

00:22:43.859 --> 00:22:50.579
violence charity partner and so we have fundraisers

00:22:50.579 --> 00:22:54.220
and we have the director come to each of our

00:22:54.220 --> 00:22:59.559
meetings and give us an update and the updates

00:22:59.559 --> 00:23:03.500
with domestic and sexual violence it's just the

00:23:03.500 --> 00:23:07.880
safe houses are always full you know there it

00:23:07.880 --> 00:23:11.930
just is not It's growing, unfortunately, instead

00:23:11.930 --> 00:23:17.549
of going the other way. And it's a great organization

00:23:17.549 --> 00:23:20.230
because it's such a nice thing to come together

00:23:20.230 --> 00:23:23.250
with other women and work together for a common

00:23:23.250 --> 00:23:25.630
cause. it is definitely something that's near

00:23:25.630 --> 00:23:28.549
and dear to my heart you know speaking to domestic

00:23:28.549 --> 00:23:31.789
violence survivors and also children of abuse

00:23:31.789 --> 00:23:34.410
because yes those are things that i can relate

00:23:34.410 --> 00:23:38.630
to i've been through so uh i'm actually a pageant

00:23:38.630 --> 00:23:41.109
title holder and so actually that's what i've

00:23:41.109 --> 00:23:43.470
been working on for the last like week or two

00:23:43.470 --> 00:23:47.569
sending out um you know messages to different

00:23:47.569 --> 00:23:51.549
organizations here locally where i live um you

00:23:51.549 --> 00:23:55.470
know just inviting them to you know allow me

00:23:55.470 --> 00:23:58.250
to come and share my story with their women and

00:23:58.250 --> 00:24:02.390
their survivors and just to help them see that

00:24:02.390 --> 00:24:05.609
there are you know people who come through this

00:24:05.609 --> 00:24:09.250
on the other side and that there is a way out

00:24:09.250 --> 00:24:14.680
if they really want a way out um So I'm looking

00:24:14.680 --> 00:24:16.720
forward to that because I've done a lot of that.

00:24:16.759 --> 00:24:19.799
But once COVID came and all of that, I kind of

00:24:19.799 --> 00:24:22.359
stopped doing a lot of that. So I want to get

00:24:22.359 --> 00:24:25.299
back into going to the different shelters and

00:24:25.299 --> 00:24:28.319
things like that. I never actually ended up in

00:24:28.319 --> 00:24:33.920
like a shelter per se after that situation. But

00:24:33.920 --> 00:24:37.180
I've been homeless before, so I know what that's

00:24:37.180 --> 00:24:43.240
like. So I just want to be that beacon of hope

00:24:43.240 --> 00:24:45.559
to show that, you know, despite everything, especially

00:24:45.559 --> 00:24:48.720
somebody myself who was disabled and I went through

00:24:48.720 --> 00:24:52.279
all of this and came out of it, you know, so

00:24:52.279 --> 00:24:57.380
I just want them to see that you can, you can

00:24:57.380 --> 00:25:01.339
survive. Like there is reason to keep living.

00:25:02.599 --> 00:25:05.359
Yeah, absolutely. And there's nothing better

00:25:05.359 --> 00:25:09.279
than someone who. Has been where someone else

00:25:09.279 --> 00:25:11.619
has been. And like you said, made it out or made

00:25:11.619 --> 00:25:15.779
it to the other side. Yes. Because it's not easy.

00:25:15.920 --> 00:25:18.480
And people may say, oh, you need to leave. And

00:25:18.480 --> 00:25:21.690
it's not as easy as. you think it's if especially

00:25:21.690 --> 00:25:24.730
if you're on the outside looking in you don't

00:25:24.730 --> 00:25:27.529
know what that person is going through on a daily

00:25:27.529 --> 00:25:30.289
basis you just don't it's just not easy to just

00:25:30.289 --> 00:25:32.970
walk off and leave like for me i had to sneak

00:25:32.970 --> 00:25:35.309
it wasn't like i just you know what i'm out of

00:25:35.309 --> 00:25:39.529
here i'm gone like i literally had to plan and

00:25:39.529 --> 00:25:42.730
and prep and pack and sneak in and get other

00:25:42.730 --> 00:25:46.539
people involved to help me to orchestrate me

00:25:46.539 --> 00:25:48.819
getting out of here because i already knew what

00:25:48.819 --> 00:25:51.200
happened the first time when i even mentioned

00:25:51.200 --> 00:25:55.319
that you know we should separate and then just

00:25:55.319 --> 00:25:58.160
this is not working he made it seem like oh he

00:25:58.160 --> 00:26:01.220
was all for it and and you know what it's not

00:26:01.220 --> 00:26:03.420
working and it's like then all of a sudden he

00:26:03.420 --> 00:26:06.500
thought about it in the switch just like and

00:26:06.500 --> 00:26:09.519
then it oh no you're not leaving me yada yada

00:26:09.519 --> 00:26:12.460
yada so i'm like okay this you know i gotta do

00:26:12.460 --> 00:26:17.690
this very very uh quietly and very very sick

00:26:17.690 --> 00:26:22.369
and i was so nervous like the just the anxiety

00:26:22.369 --> 00:26:26.150
the oh what if he finds out and and it was a

00:26:26.150 --> 00:26:29.430
lot and even with my second situation i had to

00:26:29.430 --> 00:26:35.230
do the same thing and at that time i was live

00:26:35.230 --> 00:26:37.829
i moved to the another state to be with this

00:26:37.829 --> 00:26:41.029
person so i knew absolutely no one there it was

00:26:41.029 --> 00:26:44.839
just me and my son oh my goodness and i took

00:26:44.839 --> 00:26:50.039
the last 200 i had to my name to pay for this

00:26:50.039 --> 00:26:55.319
person to come and get me and bring me back wow

00:26:55.319 --> 00:26:59.839
so it was a lot of constant you know anxiety

00:26:59.839 --> 00:27:04.059
and and and when i was going through the most

00:27:04.059 --> 00:27:07.099
of it i never had therapy and i did all the self

00:27:07.099 --> 00:27:10.039
-work myself but after i left that second situation

00:27:10.039 --> 00:27:12.619
i was like i need to talk to somebody i can do

00:27:12.619 --> 00:27:15.380
all the work i i can do myself but i'm not a

00:27:15.380 --> 00:27:18.700
professional like i need to sit and talk to someone

00:27:18.700 --> 00:27:23.720
because all of this trauma is not good no it's

00:27:23.720 --> 00:27:28.960
a lot it's so much and you know i didn't even

00:27:28.960 --> 00:27:32.220
realize throughout all of these things I've been

00:27:32.220 --> 00:27:35.099
through that I have PTSD. And so she told me

00:27:35.099 --> 00:27:38.279
and I'm like, I've always heard of, you know,

00:27:38.279 --> 00:27:41.519
PTSD being related to people coming from war

00:27:41.519 --> 00:27:45.940
and things like I never knew that just surviving

00:27:45.940 --> 00:27:50.799
traumatic experiences like this could also cause

00:27:50.799 --> 00:27:54.140
you to have PTSD. So that was something I learned

00:27:54.140 --> 00:27:57.579
during my therapy and, you know, talking to someone.

00:27:57.619 --> 00:28:02.619
I'm like, oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. We're not, we're

00:28:02.619 --> 00:28:04.880
not meant to live through that trauma. I mean,

00:28:04.900 --> 00:28:14.119
so yeah, it's just, I hope that anyone listening

00:28:14.119 --> 00:28:17.299
who's either in your position or even in a position

00:28:17.299 --> 00:28:20.880
where they want change, but can't imagine how

00:28:20.880 --> 00:28:24.970
that They're inspired to know that regardless

00:28:24.970 --> 00:28:27.869
of what your circumstances are, there's always

00:28:27.869 --> 00:28:32.410
a choice that you can make to, you know, do something

00:28:32.410 --> 00:28:37.730
to improve your life. And so you did mention

00:28:37.730 --> 00:28:40.910
that you also wrote another book. What is your

00:28:40.910 --> 00:28:43.690
second book about? So after I came out with the

00:28:43.690 --> 00:28:48.279
first book, there's no self -help. component

00:28:48.279 --> 00:28:52.140
or anything. It is just a straight stories, about

00:28:52.140 --> 00:28:56.660
30 stories, you know, sequenced together. People

00:28:56.660 --> 00:28:59.000
were saying, well, that's really nice that at

00:28:59.000 --> 00:29:02.480
50 you had an aha moment and then started to

00:29:02.480 --> 00:29:07.420
change your life. What did you do? And so that's

00:29:07.420 --> 00:29:10.000
kind of where my second book, and like I said,

00:29:10.160 --> 00:29:12.500
I never thought I'd write a first book, let alone

00:29:12.500 --> 00:29:15.980
a second book. And so it's called The Sprinkle

00:29:15.980 --> 00:29:21.339
Effect. and picture rainbow sprinkles because

00:29:21.339 --> 00:29:24.559
rainbow sprinkles make me happy on my favorite

00:29:24.559 --> 00:29:31.359
food, which is ice cream. And so I liked the

00:29:31.359 --> 00:29:35.000
whole idea of, you know, a visual of something

00:29:35.000 --> 00:29:38.660
like that that's bright and upbeat. And so the

00:29:38.660 --> 00:29:43.240
book is composed of 15 different what I call

00:29:43.240 --> 00:29:47.220
sprinkles that you need to examine and sprinkle

00:29:47.220 --> 00:29:49.859
into your life. And it's things like a sprinkle

00:29:49.859 --> 00:29:53.900
of belief, of mindset, of responsibility, courage,

00:29:54.200 --> 00:29:58.720
resilience, curiosity, joy, those types of things.

00:29:58.940 --> 00:30:02.140
And so it's kind of still a little bit part memoir

00:30:02.140 --> 00:30:06.480
because in each sprinkle, I talk about a story

00:30:06.480 --> 00:30:10.339
that relates to myself and that sprinkle. But

00:30:10.339 --> 00:30:13.480
the thing that really differentiates this is

00:30:14.039 --> 00:30:18.200
this is a book that is there to help you do the

00:30:18.200 --> 00:30:21.380
quote unquote work, you know, to help you start

00:30:21.380 --> 00:30:28.160
to examine yourself and your life. And when I

00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:31.140
first started reading, you know, quote unquote

00:30:31.140 --> 00:30:34.519
self -help books and they would say, answer this

00:30:34.519 --> 00:30:37.779
journal prompt or, you know, whatever the activity

00:30:37.779 --> 00:30:40.900
was, I was like, well, I'm not doing that. I'm

00:30:40.900 --> 00:30:42.960
just going to skip that and I'm going to just

00:30:42.960 --> 00:30:45.460
keep reading and maybe I'll come back to that.

00:30:45.559 --> 00:30:48.980
But of course I never did. But over the years,

00:30:49.000 --> 00:30:52.140
what I learned is that's not helpful because

00:30:52.140 --> 00:30:54.579
even though you might enjoy the book and think,

00:30:54.680 --> 00:30:56.759
oh yeah, that's a really good idea. Oh, I should

00:30:56.759 --> 00:30:59.420
try and do that. You don't. And then you put

00:30:59.420 --> 00:31:02.460
the book on a shelf and it just sits there. And

00:31:02.460 --> 00:31:05.819
so I actually created a workbook to go along

00:31:05.819 --> 00:31:10.410
with the book to have one place to answer all

00:31:10.410 --> 00:31:12.910
the activities and the journal prompts that I

00:31:12.910 --> 00:31:17.170
have in the book in one place. Because just reading

00:31:17.170 --> 00:31:21.349
a book is not going to make the change. It's

00:31:21.349 --> 00:31:24.569
you taking the action. And the whole idea is

00:31:24.569 --> 00:31:27.710
to start to examine. You know, you could be having

00:31:27.710 --> 00:31:29.730
thoughts you don't even know that you're having.

00:31:30.549 --> 00:31:33.509
Exactly. Yeah. I mean, you don't realize that

00:31:33.509 --> 00:31:36.940
there's things that are holding you back. Your

00:31:36.940 --> 00:31:41.079
story, obviously, it's pretty clear of, you know,

00:31:41.079 --> 00:31:45.099
the things that you've lived through that were

00:31:45.099 --> 00:31:48.680
difficult. But for somebody else, maybe that's

00:31:48.680 --> 00:31:51.059
not the case. You don't know. You don't realize

00:31:51.059 --> 00:31:54.880
how things that happened in your childhood, not

00:31:54.880 --> 00:31:58.759
big traumas like this. It could just be how your

00:31:58.759 --> 00:32:03.500
parents felt about money or. Or having a girl

00:32:03.500 --> 00:32:05.740
instead of a boy or something. All of those things.

00:32:05.839 --> 00:32:09.619
And you've got to start to really look within.

00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:14.420
And so that's where the second book and the workbook

00:32:14.420 --> 00:32:17.880
comes from. Yeah, because I can only imagine,

00:32:18.019 --> 00:32:21.359
especially I know in different cultures, it's

00:32:21.359 --> 00:32:26.329
more... I guess, acceptable to have a boy child

00:32:26.329 --> 00:32:29.569
over a girl child or, you know, things like that.

00:32:29.650 --> 00:32:32.430
And you don't realize how sometimes knowing things

00:32:32.430 --> 00:32:36.049
like that, if you were born a girl and your parents

00:32:36.049 --> 00:32:38.910
wanted a boy all this time, like how that can

00:32:38.910 --> 00:32:42.029
limit and cause you to have self limiting beliefs

00:32:42.029 --> 00:32:44.509
about yourself. Like you're not good enough because

00:32:44.509 --> 00:32:48.329
you weren't a boy or, you know, it doesn't always

00:32:48.329 --> 00:32:51.450
have to be trauma, trauma, you know, type of

00:32:51.450 --> 00:32:53.640
situations where, yeah, you develop. up limiting

00:32:53.640 --> 00:32:57.720
beliefs about yourself. Exactly. And, and like

00:32:57.720 --> 00:33:00.700
you said, you did the work on your own before

00:33:00.700 --> 00:33:04.500
you went to a therapist, but you got to do it

00:33:04.500 --> 00:33:07.740
because otherwise you don't even realize. I mean,

00:33:07.759 --> 00:33:11.920
I was blown away when I started journaling, which,

00:33:11.980 --> 00:33:14.000
you know, you said you've always dreamt of being

00:33:14.000 --> 00:33:16.920
a writer. As I said, I never had any, not even

00:33:16.920 --> 00:33:23.029
like 1 % desire. That's how, and like, Opening

00:33:23.029 --> 00:33:26.609
up a notebook with a blank page without being

00:33:26.609 --> 00:33:30.150
given directions for homework or what I'm supposed

00:33:30.150 --> 00:33:35.269
to be writing gave me incredible anxiety. But

00:33:35.269 --> 00:33:39.289
when I kind of said, okay, let me, let me just

00:33:39.289 --> 00:33:42.569
try this because I actually had listened to a

00:33:42.569 --> 00:33:46.730
podcast about the benefits of free form journaling.

00:33:46.750 --> 00:33:49.349
And the woman said, if you don't know what to

00:33:49.349 --> 00:33:52.460
write, start writing. I don't know what to write.

00:33:53.220 --> 00:33:56.359
And just keep repeating that. And then you'll

00:33:56.359 --> 00:34:01.880
be amazed at what you then start writing. Because

00:34:01.880 --> 00:34:06.359
if you allow it, and it seems ridiculous to me,

00:34:06.400 --> 00:34:10.039
but it does work. Your mind, when you're writing,

00:34:10.099 --> 00:34:13.619
takes you to these places and topics and things

00:34:13.619 --> 00:34:16.940
that you didn't even know were on your brain.

00:34:17.760 --> 00:34:22.840
Yes. i find it just so helpful to either work

00:34:22.840 --> 00:34:29.059
out a decision or pretty much do anything it's

00:34:29.059 --> 00:34:34.300
really been a unbelievable tool and the funny

00:34:34.300 --> 00:34:38.420
thing is is that So many of the things that I

00:34:38.420 --> 00:34:42.619
do now, I meditate, which when I first started

00:34:42.619 --> 00:34:45.860
that, oh my gosh, I couldn't stand it. I thought,

00:34:45.880 --> 00:34:48.960
this is crazy. Who can do this? Yeah, I used

00:34:48.960 --> 00:34:54.179
to always fall asleep. I didn't fall asleep.

00:34:54.260 --> 00:34:57.460
I had anxiety. I didn't want my eyes closed.

00:34:57.639 --> 00:34:59.239
What am I supposed to be doing? It's like the

00:34:59.239 --> 00:35:00.940
same thing with the journaling. What am I supposed

00:35:00.940 --> 00:35:06.489
to be thinking? This is crazy. You know, if you,

00:35:06.550 --> 00:35:09.469
I think I don't know about you, but I was so

00:35:09.469 --> 00:35:12.730
closed off to so many things. Anything out of

00:35:12.730 --> 00:35:15.610
my comfort zone, it'd be like, no, I don't do

00:35:15.610 --> 00:35:18.150
that. You know, or, oh no, that's not for me.

00:35:18.489 --> 00:35:25.829
Yes. And the minute that I stopped that and my

00:35:25.829 --> 00:35:28.510
memoir is called On Second Thought, Maybe I Can.

00:35:29.010 --> 00:35:33.000
And it kind of comes from this in that. whenever

00:35:33.000 --> 00:35:36.179
I was presented anything, and it didn't have

00:35:36.179 --> 00:35:39.239
to be something like spiritual like that. It

00:35:39.239 --> 00:35:41.960
could be, oh, I have a friend who wanted to teach

00:35:41.960 --> 00:35:43.840
me how to knit. You want to learn how to knit?

00:35:43.960 --> 00:35:46.579
Oh, no, I don't knit. I don't do crafts. I'm

00:35:46.579 --> 00:35:50.280
not artsy. You know, it could be something really

00:35:50.280 --> 00:35:54.980
benign. And my first instinct was always to say

00:35:54.980 --> 00:35:59.840
no. Because it's something new. What if I fail?

00:36:00.300 --> 00:36:03.369
But the minute that you kind of Take a beat.

00:36:03.429 --> 00:36:06.010
Maybe my second thought is my first thought is

00:36:06.010 --> 00:36:09.829
to say no. But then if you give it time, it's

00:36:09.829 --> 00:36:12.929
like, well, why not? Why can't I try this? Maybe

00:36:12.929 --> 00:36:16.250
it will work out and maybe it won't, but I'll

00:36:16.250 --> 00:36:18.889
feel good because I gave it a shot instead of

00:36:18.889 --> 00:36:23.070
staying in my safe little bubble. And exactly.

00:36:23.429 --> 00:36:26.840
Yeah. The things I've discovered. you know through

00:36:26.840 --> 00:36:30.019
pushing through my fear of doing or trying something

00:36:30.019 --> 00:36:32.739
new i've discovered things about myself i never

00:36:32.739 --> 00:36:36.460
even knew existed exactly that's actually what

00:36:36.460 --> 00:36:39.760
led me to participate in my first pageant you

00:36:39.760 --> 00:36:42.440
know because when i would see i'm like oh no

00:36:42.440 --> 00:36:45.579
i'm not a pageant girl that's not me like i'm

00:36:45.579 --> 00:36:48.139
just yeah whatever like and so i would ignore

00:36:48.139 --> 00:36:50.800
it whenever i would see and then something last

00:36:50.800 --> 00:36:53.300
year was just like i saw it again and i'm like

00:36:53.300 --> 00:36:57.320
you know what why not Why not? Let's do it. And

00:36:57.320 --> 00:37:01.500
so I stayed up to like midnight that night, filling

00:37:01.500 --> 00:37:04.139
out my applications, submitting my headshot.

00:37:04.179 --> 00:37:05.820
I'm like, you know what? All they can say is

00:37:05.820 --> 00:37:09.239
no. That's it. And like a week later, I got a

00:37:09.239 --> 00:37:11.199
phone call. You've been selected. I'm like, what?

00:37:11.280 --> 00:37:17.260
For real? Like me? And so I participated and

00:37:17.260 --> 00:37:23.219
I came home a title holder. So I'm like, yeah,

00:37:23.320 --> 00:37:25.920
I just took that chance on myself and was like,

00:37:25.980 --> 00:37:28.320
you know what, this is outside of my norm. This

00:37:28.320 --> 00:37:31.380
is outside of my comfort zone. But let me do

00:37:31.380 --> 00:37:35.079
something different that I'm not used to. And

00:37:35.079 --> 00:37:38.280
I had a great experience and it was really empowering.

00:37:38.539 --> 00:37:42.179
It was really like just to be on that stage performing

00:37:42.179 --> 00:37:46.139
and answering those questions. And it was just

00:37:46.139 --> 00:37:51.860
like, wow, like I did this. and then that gives

00:37:51.860 --> 00:37:54.219
you confidence to do the next thing and then

00:37:54.219 --> 00:37:57.619
yeah i'm actually looking at others once my once

00:37:57.619 --> 00:38:00.280
my reign is over and now i'm actually kind of

00:38:00.280 --> 00:38:03.820
getting into like hmm i think i kind of like

00:38:03.820 --> 00:38:10.659
this that's phenomenal i love that so yeah my

00:38:10.659 --> 00:38:14.199
title was miss altruistic 2025 so basically it's

00:38:14.199 --> 00:38:16.980
all about community service because that's me

00:38:16.980 --> 00:38:19.960
that's who i am i love helping i love children

00:38:19.960 --> 00:38:24.860
i love people i love giving back so it's that's

00:38:24.860 --> 00:38:29.139
who i am oh what a wonderful title congratulations

00:38:29.139 --> 00:38:36.460
thank you yes and actually um april 8th is international

00:38:36.460 --> 00:38:42.789
uh pageant day so my episode for wednesday It's

00:38:42.789 --> 00:38:48.630
an interview with my queen of courts to celebrate

00:38:48.630 --> 00:38:52.590
International Pageant Day and to actually, you

00:38:52.590 --> 00:38:55.550
know, share our stories and why we, because it

00:38:55.550 --> 00:38:59.150
was all of our first times. What made us decide

00:38:59.150 --> 00:39:02.289
to, you know, this time do it, you know, and

00:39:02.289 --> 00:39:06.550
just the things that we do. And so that's, I

00:39:06.550 --> 00:39:08.409
think it's really going to be a good episode.

00:39:08.650 --> 00:39:15.650
Yeah. That's wonderful. All right. So is there

00:39:15.650 --> 00:39:19.349
anything else you would like to share? Any other

00:39:19.349 --> 00:39:25.289
topics you'd like to talk about? I don't think

00:39:25.289 --> 00:39:30.719
so, unless we've left something out. So I do

00:39:30.719 --> 00:39:36.260
definitely want you to list your titles again

00:39:36.260 --> 00:39:39.400
and where they can be found. If you have like

00:39:39.400 --> 00:39:43.219
any websites, social media, anything where you

00:39:43.219 --> 00:39:45.360
would like listeners to be able to reach out

00:39:45.360 --> 00:39:49.440
to you. Sure. I think the best place, I do have

00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:51.940
all the things that you just mentioned, but instead

00:39:51.940 --> 00:39:54.840
of rattling it off, if you just visit my website

00:39:54.840 --> 00:39:58.730
at Debbie R. Weiss .com. You have to put the

00:39:58.730 --> 00:40:03.369
R in. There's links to my social and my books

00:40:03.369 --> 00:40:07.070
and I have journals and a card deck and some

00:40:07.070 --> 00:40:10.349
freebies on there and all the things. So that's

00:40:10.349 --> 00:40:13.650
the best place. Sounds good. And what was the

00:40:13.650 --> 00:40:15.989
name of the network again that you mentioned?

00:40:16.469 --> 00:40:22.030
Oh, BW Nice. BW Nice. Yeah. What state are you

00:40:22.030 --> 00:40:25.889
in? I am in North Carolina. Okay. Yeah. So I'm

00:40:25.889 --> 00:40:28.630
in New Jersey and right now there are chapters

00:40:28.630 --> 00:40:33.630
in New Jersey and Pennsylvania and Niagara Falls.

00:40:33.730 --> 00:40:37.349
Like we have some in, in different spots where,

00:40:37.369 --> 00:40:42.329
you know, women learned of the organization or

00:40:42.329 --> 00:40:45.590
learned here and then relocated to, to a different

00:40:45.590 --> 00:40:48.469
area and, and started it there. The founder is

00:40:48.469 --> 00:40:51.409
amazing. So I should actually hook you guys up.

00:40:51.409 --> 00:40:53.789
That's actually where I run my pageant. in your

00:40:53.789 --> 00:40:56.409
state. That's what I'll be coming back to at

00:40:56.409 --> 00:41:06.289
the end of April. Oh, nice! Yes. Alrighty, so

00:41:06.289 --> 00:41:09.849
we have come to my favorite part of the show

00:41:09.849 --> 00:41:12.809
where we play What Is She Thinking? So I'll give

00:41:12.809 --> 00:41:15.429
you five random phrases. You'll tell me the first

00:41:15.429 --> 00:41:17.210
thing that comes to your mind. You don't have

00:41:17.210 --> 00:41:19.510
to think too hard about it. Just something fun

00:41:19.510 --> 00:41:21.750
to get to know you after a great conversation.

00:41:22.769 --> 00:41:43.449
Okay. All right. So your first one is drumline.

00:41:43.590 --> 00:41:47.190
Let's see. I don't really have them written down.

00:41:47.309 --> 00:41:49.369
So I'm going off the top of my head right now.

00:41:51.280 --> 00:42:01.019
Chocolate and strawberries are? Yummy. All right.

00:42:01.119 --> 00:42:07.900
So writing can be? Hard and therapeutic. Yes.

00:42:08.340 --> 00:42:10.780
Yeah, that's what actually encouraged me to write

00:42:10.780 --> 00:42:13.360
when I was a child because it was very therapeutic.

00:42:13.599 --> 00:42:16.679
So that's what started my writing journey. It

00:42:16.679 --> 00:42:18.880
was writing through what I was going through.

00:42:19.119 --> 00:42:24.070
Yeah. That's a great tool. Yes. All right. So

00:42:24.070 --> 00:42:30.030
your next one, being a mom makes me? Proud. Proud.

00:42:30.190 --> 00:42:34.650
Yes. Love it. All right. If there is one thing

00:42:34.650 --> 00:42:40.949
I could tell my younger self, it would be? You

00:42:40.949 --> 00:42:43.909
have the responsibility to take control of your

00:42:43.909 --> 00:42:51.480
life. All right. And your last one. Give me coffee

00:42:51.480 --> 00:42:59.559
with mine. No coffee. Diet Coke. McDonald's Diet

00:42:59.559 --> 00:43:08.639
Coke, baby. Yeah, I do not like coffee. All right.

00:43:08.800 --> 00:43:11.219
Well, thank you so much, guys, for listening.

00:43:11.739 --> 00:43:15.659
Be sure to check out our website at BFFEmpowermentPodcast

00:43:15.659 --> 00:43:19.030
.com. Stay up to date with the latest and greatest

00:43:19.030 --> 00:43:21.869
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00:43:21.869 --> 00:43:25.710
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00:43:25.710 --> 00:43:29.590
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00:43:33.250 --> 00:43:35.230
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00:43:35.230 --> 00:43:38.349
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00:43:38.349 --> 00:43:42.670
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00:43:42.670 --> 00:43:45.590
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00:43:45.590 --> 00:43:48.050
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00:43:51.250 --> 00:43:54.710
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00:43:54.710 --> 00:43:57.550
until next time, guys, thank you so much for

00:43:57.550 --> 00:44:33.039
listening. Don't shake